Today was a long and exhausting day. Didn’t get the Tylenol pm last night so sleep was sparse. Over a week with little to no sleep is really making me feel my age or older. We had court first thing this morning. The bus picked us up around 9:15 and headed to the court house. We made a stop along the way and the driver announced he was getting little “Y’s” mom. I got very nervous. I don’t know why . I just wasn’t prepared to meet her yet. We were in the back of the bus and she got in and sat in the front. I began to pray for her and how nervous and scared she must be.
We arrived at court and entered a small packed room. We stood for a while and eventually seats opened up and they were right beside his birthmom. Nick motioned for me to go sit. I went, but did not say a word. Shortly there after, the birthparents were all called. They went in as a group. They were done within 5 minutes. We were called next. All four of us families were called in together. We were the only ones with an child so Kaitlyn came in with us. They went through the litany of questions which basically all could be answered with a yes. The last thing the lady said was “OK that’s it the children are all yours.” I couldn’t believe I had heard those words. It took a second to sink in and then the tears flowed. I am so glad we all passed on the first time.
We walked out of the room and back into the waiting area. Nick went back and sat on one side of Y’s mom and I sat on the other. We embraced her and cried together. It was so hard to see her pain. I know she loves him very much and is doing what she thinks is best for him and to make sure he is taken care of. We went back to the bus and I sat beside her. She motioned that Nick, Kaitlyn, and I were all together and I said yes. Then I took her photo album out and showed her pictures of Y. She cried and kissed his face. We looked through the book and saw more pictures of him, pictures of our whole family, and pictures of our house with his bedroom. She was so glad to see Kaitlyn there and kissed her picture too. She tried to hand the album back and I told her no, it was hers to keep. She hugged that book some more. It is all she has left of the son she loves soooo much. We cried together and embraced each other.
We got back to HH and she walked in first and Y ran to her smiling and hugged her. I know how much she loved him, him her, and how well he was cared for. The bm went into the office and Y talked with her only briefly. He can outside to play with his “makina” (car). We had brought a remote control car with and it was a life saver. Within 20 minutes we were told it was our turn to meet with her and ask any questions we had. Y chose not to be a part of it and they respected his desire to not come in. He and Kaitlyn went back to find the “makina”. We were able to get many of our questions answered. They pretty much took us away as soon as the meeting was over. It allowed us time to collect ourselves and get a bite to eat and for Y and his mom to eat and have a little time together alone.
The driver came back for us in and hour and half and we went back to HH to see our kids. Y was visiting with his bm when we walked in. We went to our usual spot and they came and sat by us. She was the only family that was still there. She sat with us for a few hours while she waited for her bus to leave. It was good for her to see Y play with us and be happy. He interacted with her. Smiled at her and talked with her. We were able to get many photos together with him playing around us all.
Finally it was time for her to leave. He got very quite and kept his sunglasses on. He hugged her goodbye and she left. They let us stay a while longer and comfort him which was good. I think it was a good bonding time. I took Y and walked around with him in my arms with his head on my shoulder. It is so much for a 5 year old to process especially when the love between them was so great. It breaks my heart to think we have to leave him tomorrow. He keeps his feeling stuffed inside but you can sense the pain. We will pray for a quick embassy date as we need to get him home with us when he is so confused and sad right now.
We are staying in tonight. We are completely exhausted emotionally and physically. We aren’t even going down for dinner. I already got my Tylenol pm and plan to go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow will be another hard day saying goodbye. I know the special mothers at HH are so wonderful, loving, and caring on all the kiddos, but our little guy is hurting so badly right now that I just need to get him home. It is soooooo hard.
Thanks for all your prayers and support. Missing our kids back home. Just want to get everyone together under one roof. May God bless you all and keep our little boy in your prayers tonight.
Kelly
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